Choices - This is where I find myself

So here I am I find myself working in a job than gives me little challenge, little creativity and little human contact. However, the hours are fairly flexible, I can come and go as I please within reason and letting my supervisor know ahead of time. I get paid a decent wage and have a average benefits program. I have a crappy commute and am at least 20-25 minutes away from home and my kids school if anything happens. I have 4 weeks holiday plus 1 extra day. This is my JOB.

I had an interview today for a job that will become a career. It only cuts 5-7 minutes off my commute (crap). It has longer hours (by 2.5 per week) No real flexibility you can choose 1 of 3 start times and end times, but after I told them about the Bug and Therapy schedules, they claimed to be reasonable about the whole "work/home/life balance thing. A little more money about $2/hr. Customer/client interaction, document and presentation development, actual thinking and proposing out of the box solutions. Benefits program (starting immediately) not sure about vacation but I am assuming 2 weeks.

I'm sure the latter will leave me with less time to scrapbook and pursue my creative interests. but there seems to be potential for growth and increase my knowledge, professional credentials and earning power.

Do I need a job or a career???

I need a good therapist. Would it be wrong to use my current companies Employee Assistance Program to get a counselor to help me figure this out.

It didn't help that even though I was candidate 2 out of 6, she already asked my availablility for a 2nd interview to meet the team!

I thought I would be more excited, maybe I'm just scared to change. Which is so unlike me.

Plus, I found out at work today that they have been given the go ahead to hire some additional admin support that I would have access to, so maybe I could get a friggin break!

I just don't know. I feel like choose the career position will just create more pressure to perform in my life. I just got to the point that I feel incontrol. I stopped working the extra hours to "finish the job or complete one more task" If it doesn't get done I push it on my supervisor and when she gets tired of doing it she will hire someone to help. I am enjoying my lunches with my co-workers, running and participating in company functions like a normal human being. I have time to run a few errands at lunch. My life is good other than being bored silly the whole time I'm working.

I suppose if I set the same expection if I get the new job I could have the same type of thing.

I just don't know.

Any advice.

I am so MAD!

Apart from being my 2yr olds favorite book right now, this is how I feel today.

What part of writing things on the family calendar so we can plan our lives and be home for our children, to equally co-parent so one of us doesn't feel guilty all the time and our kids don't confuse the sitter for their "real home" does my insensitive husband not understand. I have only been warning him for two weeks that this is a crazy week for me and I won't be home on time hardly any night this week and he needs to arrange his jobs so he can leave on time to get home and get the kids.

I did my part last weekend preparing meals for the whole wee \k so all he had to do was heat them up and serve.

ASSHOLE has not been home until 6 every night and he left this morning saying he would be late again.

Is this some kind of crappy ploy of his to make me feel guilty for having shit to get done??? Is this a power play for him to exert his masculinity that his job is more important than mine??? Or in this particular case a haircut which is oh approximately 2 month overdue! (Can anyone say split ends!)

Whatever it is I am fucking sick of it and he can kiss my lily white ass!

Whew!

Poor children will be eating at their grandmothers tonight for the 3rd time this week, I feel guilty, but I need a hair cut my hair is starting to look like some frizzy monster and you can only tie it back in a bun or ponytail for so long before people start thinking your some kinda hardass.

Crazy busy day at work today but hopefully we (read me) will get caught up for month end. (please if there is a god or higher power, hook a girl up will ya)

Have a great day!

Who needs a good snack??

My massage therapist gave me the greatest snack idea ever. I think I am addicted. I'm sure many people have known about this forever, but me I just tried it.

An apple sliced with 1 tbsp of peanut butter to dip it in. 100 calories. Satisfies my craving for salty and sweet.

YUMMY!

Try it and let me know if you like it!

You can also try almond butter, but it is way more expense than peanut butter and higher in fat so be careful.

Work totally sucked I stayed late, the kids were upset, and I still didn't get caught up boo...hiss...For more on the stuggle of mom's working and at home visit my MSSW Friend she has a great article and comments posted.

Picked up an awesome magazine today. Writer's Digest Check it out!

I feel better after Yoga.

Love it!

Have a great night!

Creative Life/ Working Hell/Life Balance

I am so busy at work today I can't even breath.

I wish I could be at home in my nice sunny craft/work space creating something beautiful with my hands.

Instead I have to grind out the copious amounts of paperwork that cross my desk daily, where my email bleeps at a new arrival every minute or so.

I'm feeling totally overwhelmed today. So much for my massage yesterday.

I wish I could comment more on my post from yesterday but I am just too damn busy to come up with it quickly.

Maybe I will post tonight again after yoga with the BUG.

Independence - Co-existence - what is a marriage nowdays? Part 1

I have a crazy day today, so I thought I would try to squeeze in a post real quick.

I have to take the dog to the vet to have his wound dressing changed due to incident on the weekend where some FUCKTARD tossed a beer bottle into our fence line and the dog stepped on the broken glass and damn near bled to death in my kitchen, but I digress. Then it's off to therapy for the bug, today we are checking the results of his botox to see if he has gained any range of motion in his hamstring and heel cord muscles. Then we will play play play for a few hours since I think the kids have been missing some mommy time and then at 4pm I have a DATE with my massage therapist for an hour of sheer torture I'm sure since my shoulders are around my ears due to stress. She will make it better.

However, on to my topic. My fellow blogger Tracey had a great post about TV that she is watching (including the show WEEDS) for which she raised the topic of women relying on their husbands as sole providers for their families.

What would you do if your husband suddenly left or died???

I left a brief (ha) comment, but it got me thinking. Do we as women really expect to be taken care of anymore? Do we get married to be taken care of ?? Do we as women really believe that if we get married we have no reason to continue our education or pursue work outside of the home after we have started a family??

Yes having a family is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and yes more often then not I find myself wearily ploping down at the end of a day of work, laundry, dinner, banking and whatnot. I take comfort and a sense of pride knowing that if anything were to happen I could take care of myself and my family.

I am married and stay married because I choose to do so not because I have to-to survive or exist.

Too much for one post I have to get to the vet now.

Have a great day!

Boys, Dogs and General Anesthetic

My goodness what a weekend. Friday was our day to take the Bug to London for his botox injections, this time under laughing gas with a little anesthetic so they could isolate the muscles and perform a deeper more accurate injection.

Of course nothing goes according to plan, Friday was also the day the school Spirit Wear order showed up so I had to go pick that up at the school to bring home to sort, before we even started for the day.

We left at 9:30 to get to London for 11am to register (what a joke)Only to find out that his procedure had been bumped to 1:30 instead of 1pm and only to find out that they were not ready for him until 2:15pm. I don't know about you but having jello for breakfast and going until 2:15 pm with no food SUCKS! The bug was such a trooper though he never once asked for anything to eat or drink. I love that kid!

He recovered well and we finally left the hospital at 4pm. LONG DAY!

Not our only surgical customer for the weekend though.....


As luck would have it, some fucking idiot threw a beer bottle on our fence line and on Saturday night the dog stepped on the broken bottle part and cut open his foot and the artery that is in his foot. Let's just say copious amounts of blood, a 140km visit to the Emergency Vet clinic at the other end of town and a cool $800.00 later. The dog is just fine. Scared us half to death. He is 13 and we were really worried he would not survive the surgery.

Thanking my lucky stars that everything and everyone is okay!

Stayed up till after midnight putting together the orders for the kids spirit wear.


Very tired!

1000

How exciting!
Hard to believe I have gotten 1000 hits since I started tracking my states in Feb or March. (I can't remember)

Just a quick update today as I am working like crazy to stay on top of work, since I will be off tomorrow to take the Bug to London for his Botox injection procedure. Yikes! I am so nervous for him. He seems to be good. We have talked about how he will have Jello for breakfast tomorrow and we will have to wait for a while but then it will be his turn and he will have a quick sleep and then we will be able to go home again.

If anyone has any tips on how to keep a hungry child busy please pass them on.

He can't have solids after midnight and only jello or juice until 9am and then nothing else until his procedure at 1pm!

Does anyone else think that is just crazy?

Prayers for our sanity and his are welcome.

Everything is Okay!

A quick shout out to my friend Jenn, before she has a cow and calls the cops. The Bang I heard while doing last post was indeed nothing. Just the kids screwing around in the living room and knocking the wipes container off the coffee table.

If you are interested in a well written interesting blog, be sure to check out my friend Tracey.

Went running today at lunch. It was nice in the cooler weather we have today. I didn't sweat sooooo much.

We had our TOPS weigh in yesterday and I lost 2.3 lbs, so it appears the running is working. Hopefully, I can maintain the loss into the next week. But I won't be disappointed if I don't. I already fit into a pair of capris that were tagged for donation because they were too tight when I tried them on at the beginning of April. WOOT! I am so excited.

Nothing particularly witting or interesting to say today.

I have read sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling. It was a quick read and not a bad book. But tragically I think that is because I got hooked on Tori and Dean : INN LOVE because I am mentally unstable. So take that for what it is worth.

I guess I have a better appreciation for the fact that what you see on the outside is not always how it is on the inside. This book is a great read for anyone who enjoys knowing that everybody else's problems are just like yours.

New Post

What else can I call it really. Not much to say. We are enjoying an extra day off. the kids are having a blast (unattended at the moment) ripping the hosue apart. Doing who knows what. I came down here to change up some laundry and felt the call of the blog.

Quick updates. I think I have lost a couple of LBS. However I believe this has caused the out of no where cravings I have been experiencing. Chocolate does not stand a chance.

Running is going well, by buddy and I are upto 1.5 mins run 1 mon recovery for 25 mins on our lunch hours and we are doing well, I bump up to 2:1 on the weekends.

I got in a quick run/walk yesterday with the dog. Then we were off to visit my grand parents. Granny and Choo Choo Bob.

Well I just heard a big bang.....no crying but I had better go check that out.
Ciao!

Minor Setback

Today was not even a bad day, I ate well this morning I was not even particularily hungry, however..... nothing and I repeat nothing could hold me back from eating the following.

1/2 pkg of Wine Gums
25 hersey kisses
20 ritz crackers

WTF!!???

Where did that come from that was probably like 1000 calories.

Tuesdays is my wiggy day. I don't really get a proper lunch because I have to leave work around lunch to pick up the Bug for Therapy and then I really don't get to snack on time and I also don't usually get so sneak in any exercise either.

So I guess we know what caused that.

Oh well! I guess I will try to plan a little better for next week.

PS I have gained a few pounds but lost inches, so I figure I am starting to build a little muscle mass from my running/walking workouts.

Still it sucks to see the scale going the wrong way!

Mother's Day

Ahhh! A day devoted to Mother's gotta love it.

I got to sleep in an extra hour, hubby gave me my present. I was hoping for a NIKON D80 Camera BUT I got an interior exterior detailing for my CAR! Which was still actually very sweet since two weeks ago the peanut threw up in my car and although I got it all cleaned up it could definatly use the detailing.

Then we went for brunch with my family a tradition for over 10 years now. It was so nice this year. Hubby packed for the event or didn't pack I should say. thankfully we didn't need any diapers or wipes for extra clothes. What a fucktard! Who leaves the house with out a bag and who thinks his wife is going to do it on mother's day! Doink!

Then we went home for a little rest before going to my BIL house for Mother's day /birthday dinner.

Thank fully again, both kids napped and were relatively great for the evening. The peanut only flipped out once.

We are so blessed to have two great families who love us and support us. Hubby has 3 brothers and I have to say I always got along with my Sis-in=laws and my relationship with each of the brothers keeps growing as we get to know each other more each year.

My sisters husband is an awesome guy even though he can be a fucktard now and again. And my brother has been truly blessed to find a gal that his mom and sisters LOVE and she still is strong woman who can stand her ground with my brother.

I LOVE my Family all of them the crazy NUTS!

Running - Sucks!

As some of you know I have been attempting to move my FAT ASS more in an attempt lose a few LBs of the old caboose.

I cleaned up my eating habits and dropped a few pounds but I can't live on what I have been eating and NOT drinking. HOLY Give a girl a BEER will ya!

So.... In order to partake in the occasional beverage I have started moving. I hooked up with a girl that I work with who used to be part of the running club that we had a work. We are both whiners and complainers but we don't take that shit from anyone else, so it works... we whine, we complain and then we call each other sissys, and nancy pants (no offence to the Nancy's out there)and tell each other to move your ASS.
We decided that we would walk and then attempt a running program as it is the only way we feel we can cancel out the BEER.

So I went to the Running Room and bought these. Well not exactly, mine are Wave Rider 10's which is probably why I was able to get them for $96.00 instead of 149.99.

I hate to admit it but I do feel better since we have started our little program. The running really does clear the clutter from my head and I feel stronger and the 3 flights of stairs at work are no longer my arch nemisis.

We run at lunch so it doesn't impact the rest of my day to much.

I hate to say it but it seems like it is working.

Mudpuppies

What a weekend. It was so cold but so very worth it.

The Bug made it 2 city blocks on his own. His whole therapy team was there to cheer him on. then we put him in a stroller and we made it the rest of the 3km.

We managed to raise just under $1,100.oo so exciting.

Not a lot of time to post today but I know some will be interested in our results.

the best part of the whole day was at the finish line when your done and you return your microchip. We received a participant medal and I thought the Bug was going to explode with pride. (so were we)

I let him wear it all day and that night when he got into bed he handed it to me and said, "Be careful, it is very special". .... Trust me buddy I know how special it is.

Love my life!

Fabulous Friday

Okay so it's time to get back on the blogging ride. so many thing swimming around that I have to get out!

New and exciting things that are going on that I may have mentioned, not sure since April was such a sporatic post month for me.

Looking forward to the weekend because we are doing a "Fun Run" The Mudpuppy Chase (read walk) to raise money for KidsAbility. I am so excited because our family managed to raise just over $900.00 Can you imagine! WOOT!

I am truly thankful to my co-workers and friends and family who supported us for this awesome cause. We truly can not pay nor thank our therapy team at KidsAbility enough for all they do for The Bugaloo.

Bugaloo had spring photos taken at school and they look awesome so we order some (suckers)

I have finally entered the running phase of my conditioning program. First set of running cycles was today and suprisingly my partner and I felt really good afterwards and are really please. it was touch and go about 10 minutes in, but we perservered.

I am still sitting at a 7lb weight loss for tops but that is because I have eased up on some of the food rules to accommodate for the increase in exercise. But if I maintain I'll be happy since muscle weighs more than FAT!

Finally got all the clothing ordered for the school spirit wear sale. Ugh! Remind me not to volunteer for that again. What a time and energy sucker.

Scrapbooking club has started at work and we are having a ball. I spent the firts few weeks completing a bunch of kits I had lying around and now I'm hoping to focus on creating and getting a few original designs out there.

Also I have to make all the dadgum thank you cards for everyone who donated to our fundraiser.

We emptied our composter to spread some of its lovely goodness in our flower beds so we can get everything ready for summer planting. I just love that we managed to make soooooo much compost this winter and reduced our garbage output significantly.

Whew!

And Last but certainly not least we celebrated the 2nd birthday of the Peanut who was beautiful and full of energy and sass and enjoyed her cake very much. Hopefully I will get around to posting a photo soon.

Post at ya later!