So EARLY

Oh my goodness.
My darling children....where up at 5:30 AM this morning. What the Hell?? How is this even possible. What would possess them.

Even better, my husband who is the early bird... helping a friend today and had to leave shortly after 6AM.

Icing on the cake, the volume is not working on our TV?

Again I ask you what the hell?

What could possibly happen to our TV from 9:30pm last night when we turned it off, to 5:frickin 30 this morning????

Luckily our basement playroom TV is working so I dressed everyone up warmly and we headed down here to spend the morning. The girl has dance class but I don't think I will be able to get them out of here so I just may skip it for today. I hate doing that but the prospect of fighting with them and bundling them up and sitting in a waiting area for an hour, just does not appeal to me today.

I'm almost 7 months pregnant now and all the aches and pains are starting to kick in. Each week is getting harder and harder to get to the end of. I am really enjoying my weekends where the schedule is not as frenetic and I can rest often which really helps with the back pain, enlarged leg veins and everything else that pops up to piss me off at the wrong time.

I have been spending about 2-3 hours on Sundays cooking for the up coming week and that REALLY has helped us during the week.

Speaking of food I should go get some breakfast for the kids since it's 8am and they are probably getting hungry now.

Have a great weekend!

Here's the scoop.

I finally have a few minutes to sit down and compose a post just for this blog. I owe it to me to get my thoughts out of my head and free up some space in there. So hang on this could go all over the place I'm not to sure.

First I am finally feeling better, it seems as though the cold and cough have given up and left. I am grateful, however this has left me feeling so far behind. I totally missed January as I was just hanging on for dear life and getting the basics done both at work and at home.

After some quick calculations I realized that I had overspent my monthly grocery budget by almost $500. I want to VOMIT! Now that would be ok if we ate it all but I hate to confess that we threw alot of stuff out because I was too sick to make what I had planned. It was so depressing.

So we are on the menu planning and committment to cooking train. I still overspent on groceries this week. But I am dealing with one issue at a time. The goal this week is to not throw out any perfectly good food!

Also the weekly spending has gone up because I have started buying diapers and formula so that this won't be quite so taxing on our budget once I go on Maternity Leave. Yes I plan on bottle feeding. I had a breast reduction when I was 15 and for anyone counting that was over 20 years ago and let me tell you they just didn't do a real good job back then. Although I will try to breast feed daily, I will not let it rule my life, nor will I subject myself to the bereting of lactation consultants, nurses, or the general public. I will also not subject myself to the painful process of milk coming in and getting "stopped up" in ducts that go no where and cause me unbearable pain. I am 37 years old this is my third child and if you don't like what I am doing, tough shit!

Everyday I wonder how we will make it on a reduced income. This is really perplexing to me since we are in the best financial shape we have ever been in. I mean we actually have an emergency savings account? So I keep asking myself, why are you worrying so much.

I suppose the answer is I am afraid we may have to cut or sacrifice a few things, like EGAD the data plan on my Blackberry yikes. I'm not sure why I am so worried I just know that I am and its a little crazy so I need to develop a plan to get over it.

So the goal for February is to put down in writing our monthly expenses and debt repayment so that WE can see if we need to cut and where and make those decisions before the time comes and we have a negative balance in our account and have to dip into the emergency fund.

Also I think a more realistic fear for me is that. I don't want to go back to work - better then that I don't think I can. I don't think I can continue to work 30 mins from home and manage the lives of three children, one with special needs.

So I suppose the truth of it is I am feeling this deep seeded anxiety over how to make my life work.

We can make it on the reduced income, butwe also enjoy the lifestyle we currently have on the income we currently have. Saving has been relatively painless and we accumulating savings, debt repayment has been ticking on schedule, and we have started working towards our next major household project a new bathroon. All that will have to get rejuggled on 55% of my current income for the next year and who knows how much if I choose not to go back to work.

I've come to recognize that I am in one of those "dark" places in life where I don't really know where I am or what direction I am going in. All I know is I can't stay still I have to keep moving forward and find a way out.

I am using up all my vacation time before my maternity leave in bits and pieces. I'm hoping to clear our some cobwebs(fears) and have some time to think and sit with myself and get my creative thinking going again. I know I am capable of coming up with solutions that will work for me. I have been coasting for so long I just don't remember how.

I thought 2010 would be the best year yet and it still holds that possibility. Now I believe that 2010 is just going to be ALOT more hard work than I thought, but if I can do it. If I put in the time and GUT IT OUT. I believe I will see happiness and more contentment with my journey.

Here's to a year of hard work and creative solutions.
:)